He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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