I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize