In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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