So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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