i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
