What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
