batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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