Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
