the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
