I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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