Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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