apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
