You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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