Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
