We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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