I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
