He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was like having sex with a tree stump
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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