i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
