The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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