The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
