I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
