She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
