OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
