Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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