I bet he comes in French.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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