Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
