I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
