Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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