I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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