What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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