youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
