this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
