I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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