Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
