I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
