He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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