M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
