They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
