she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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