What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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