shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
