im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize