I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
