Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
