considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
