Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
