a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
