I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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