Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
