he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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