Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
