Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
