dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
