If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
