i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
