You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
