i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
