After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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