she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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