I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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