i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize