I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
