somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
