I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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