i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize