Screwed.edu
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
